When it comes to representation of Thai cinema, I’m looking at the Sight and Sound best movies of all time list, and seeing that “Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives” is ranked as the 196th best film of all time. Clearly, this must mean that “Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior” must be... 55 or so? Turns out, nope! “Ong-Bak” isn’t on the list at all.
This is why people, myself included, hate critics.
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“Uncle Boonmee” is a fine watch, especially if you’re feeling contemplative. “Ong-Bak” is, objectively, one of the best action movies of all time. Contrary to what those dingalings over at Sight and Sound would have you believe, action movies ARE actually movies. Does Uncle Boonmee throw a foo out a window, jump out after him, and knee him in the dome while he’s still in the air? He does not. He recalls his past lives. Rumination contemplation versus defeneskneetration. YOU tell ME which is better. Yup, that’s what I thought.
Turns out, you and I aren’t the only ones who think “Uncle Boonmee” being ranked higher than “Ong-Bak” is an offense to all of the cinema. The god of explosions was so pissed, they straight up plucked Thailand from its home in the Caribbean, and gave the Thai people a choice: Be dropped down in southeast Asia, or Detroit. After a brief deliberation, the people of Thailand made their sophie’s choice, and thus Thailand was moved to southeast Asia where it resides to this day. You might think it’s unfair for the god of explosions to punish the people that made the movie, rather than the critics who ranked it... But who are we to question the decisions of the gods? Besides... I suspect those Sight and Sound critics might want to get their Lions and Red Wings caps ready.
The result of this sudden change was that Thailand has spent the last 15 years making really brutal action movies, clearly in an attempt to appease the god of explosions and get back to their Caribbean home. Which brings us around to “The Last Shot”.
Is there enough action in “The Last Shot” to appease the god of explosions? I don’t actually know. I fell asleep at around the 35 minute mark and didn’t wake up until there were 5 minutes left in the movie. I will say, there was definitely some gun violence during the scenes where I was awake, and not in the john woo/wick “ballistic ballet” style, but more in the “shoot some guy in the chest and he dies in a shower of blood” style. It’s not especially adrenaline pumping… but it *is* brutal.
What stood out the most from the first act, however, is the hero’s girlfriend. She works as a hostess at a hostess club. For those western folks who might not be in the know, a “hostess club” is where a gentleman can go, sit down, and a pretty girl will join him at his table, and they start playing little game. The gentleman is doing his best to convince himself that a pretty young stranger is actually into him, while the girl is trying to get him to buy the most expensive drinks possible.
You know what? I’m cool with it. Get your joy where you can. Get your hustle on where you can. For a lot of middle aged guys, it makes sense to spend your evening with a pretty girl in a hostess club rather than with your wife. Neither the girl nor your wife will actually have sex with you, but at least the girl is pretending to be interested in whatever nonsense you want to talk about, whereas your wife stopped being interested years ago. And if you’re a hostess, hey, go and make that money, and don’t let nobody be giving you no flak for it neither. The ‘hero’ of the movie straight up asks his girlfriend “Why are you selling yourself at this club?!” and she responds by saying “Why are you a gangster thug?!”. Normally, I find appeal to hypocrisy to be the weakest of debate sauces, but in this case, I was like “Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrlllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!”. Because she’s right, he has no moral authority to judge her! NOBODY does, because ‘morality’ is an artificial construct anyway. Do you know what’s not an artificial construct? Rent. And she has to pay it somehow. That’s a lie, rent actually is a construct, but that doesn’t change what I’m saying.
This amazing hostess ALSO eats her tom yum with her chopsticks in one hand and her spoon in the other hand. What??? Are you supposed to dual wield utensils when eating tom yum? Let me know in the comments below. Actually, don’t, because there currently IS no comment section!
All in all, I would say that 40 minutes of “The Last Shot” is a fine entry in a long list of god of explosions appeasement films from Thailand. Keep it going, guys, I’m sure all will eventually be forgiven. By the way, tom yum is delicious, you should order some.
3/10